Technically this is a Saturday Afternoon/ later Saturday night movie, but it’s close enough for government work.

The Black was the Disney entry into the “Star Wars made more money than God, what space movie do we have’ race that exploded after 1977. Notable as the first rated Disney film that was no ‘G’, the Black hole is in many ways a classic example of later 70’s genre film making. Pretentious, filled with cluncky dialogue and for no reason what so ever, ESP powers have to be present.

At the start of the film we meet the crew of the Palomino, a deep space vessel searching for signs of ‘inhabitable life’.  After encountering the largest black hole ever seen, the crew discover a derelict ship floating near the black hole, in defiance of God andNewtonrefusing to falling into the singularity. After the requisite expository dialogue, then derelict is the Cygnus, the captain was a fanatic,  one of the crew members, Kate, had a family aboard, and so on, they decided to fly a close pass and take a look at the ship. Of course they are damaged by the intense gravity of the black hole, and when the Cygnus mysteriously – everything this ship does is mysterious – lights up, they take refuge aboard the massive ship, landing on her to effect repairs. (I would have said docking, but clearly between three, credited, screen writers proper terminology was optional.)

Surprise the fanatical captain ii still aboard, the crew is not, replaced by robots with mirrored faceplates and monk’s robes.

Thing get creepy, lies are told, and cute friend robots uncover the major elements of the weak mystery\. The climax of the film is the Cygnus diving into the Black Hole, her engines going full speed towards the gravity source, and yet being overtaken by a storm of meteors who are winning the race by falling in.

A quick side trip through heaven and hell, and the surviving characters win their freedom either in our universe or another. We don’t know because no one ever says what the hell is going on in the end of the movie. (Clearly Disney had some serious envy not only for Star Wars’ money but 2001’s reputation.)

The Black Hole was a film with all concept and no story. There isn’t any sort of character development, and the schemes of the villain make zero sense. (He’s been waiting twenty years hoping a passing star ship will kindly take reading while he dives to his death?) I saw this film when it was released in 1979 and thought it was a terrible movie, the passing years have no softened my opinion. I watched this movie due to two factors.

First – a morbid curiosity if the film was as truly bad as I remembered it. (It was)

Second – by getting a few free credits on Vudu by virtue of having purchased a blu-ray of The Cabin in the Woods, I could watch The Black Hole in full HD for free.

It wasn’t worth the time.